Republican House Freshman Tharjorie Maylor Shmeene Joins House Committees After Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Expulsion
Timothy Etter, Staff Writer
Marjorie Taylor Greene, an incendiary freshman member of the GOP caucus in the House of Representatives, was recently stripped of her committee assignments due to her extremist views and endorsement of conspiracy theories. In totally unrelated news, a freshman member of the GOP caucus named Tharjorie Maylor Shmeene has just joined these committees in the ensuing power vacuum.
In a recent press conference, Shmeene, sporting cartoonishly large glasses, an equally large, plastic looking nose, and a suspiciously thick mustache, was asked about her new committee assignments. “I am eager to begin work in these committees and serve the people of Georgi- I mean, Blorgia!” said Shmeene, trying to push the glasses up her fiendishly large nose but missing and poking herself in the eye, as her glasses did not have lenses.
“Representative Greene, who is really cool and attractive, by the way, may have done some things wrong in her past, but let us put that behind us and focus on the real issues facing Americans, like taxes, the ballooning national deficit, and the fact that Biden and Trump swapped faces and Trump is actually the president and Biden is actually in prison. These are all important issues to me, and any coverage that distracts from how Trump will be officially inaugurated in his new suit of flesh, complete with the physical characteristics of the former 46th president, is coverage that is separate from the most important interests of the American people.”
After a reporter brought up the claims from House Democrats who were skeptical that Shmeene was a real House freshman and instead a fake identity designed by Greene to evade the committee bans, Shmeene was taken aback. “This is a classic move by the left to paint the GOP as a dishonest party, and it is clearly not working. At least we are honest about being shitty, unlike the Demon Rats in Congress! There’s a long line of offenses they have committed, and they’re accusing me of impersonating someone else? That’s just outlandish! Sure, I may conveniently have to leave the room right before Representative Greene enters, just like Bruce Wayne mysteriously disappears whenever Batman shows up...wait, that’s the opposite of the point I want to make. Hmmm....”
Eventually, reporters finally got a chance to talk to Representative Greene after Shmeene left the room. When asked to comment on Democratic claims that Shmeene was not a real House freshman, Greene replied “You just asked me that- Shit! Nevermind.” At press time, Shmeene was promoted to ranking member of both her committees, and the Greene controversy was never spoken of again.