Election Thriller of the Year: #Leg2020
Hannah Barahona, Staff Writer
This year I would probably rank the presidential election between the Maury show and cable networks news. This must be why so many Americans lack the proper knowledge on how the government functions and what exactly is happening in politics today. However, no need to fear, next to Marvel’s End Game, the next box office hit will be coming to American democracy on November 3rd, 2020. It is clear who the main characters are—Obama took the leading role in the feature film 2008: Love in the Time of Recession and, my personal favorite, Barack Obama and the Order of the Birth Certificates. On the contrary, this year, his supporting role from 2008-2016, Joe Biden, made recent headlines. In a remarkable spin-off of the Obama administration, Joe Biden runs for the role of President in the upcoming thriller, #Leg2020.
The plot, a beautiful “coming-of-old age” performance, follows Joe Biden on his campaign trail through the 2020 presidential election, all while tackling pressing issues in our country. In his most recent take on police brutality, former Vice President Biden speaks on the inadequate training police officers go through. He says, “Instead of standing there and teaching a cop, when there's an unarmed person coming at them with a knife or something, you shoot them in the leg instead of in the heart is a very different thing.” Leave it up to Joe to know the difference and how big it is. Joe knows a lot of things, and with this stuff he could truly shake up the White House if elected president—and that's a Biden promise!
No protagonist is complete without a deep dark secret. Surprisingly, Joe is not new to a bit of altercation, especially ones requiring the quick thinking skills he is sure to bring to police academies across the country if elected president. In 2017, Joe headed to the rolling fields of Wilmington, Delaware to speak to a group of people outside one of his first jobs lifeguarding at Prices Run swimming pool. In what seems to be a celebration of the renaming of the pool, Joe graciously talks about getting in a fight with a gang leader named ‘Corn Pop’. Joe reminisces on how good ol’ Cornpop was waiting for him with a switchblade, but Mr. Biden didn’t use a gun, no siree, he used a large chain instead. Nevertheless, the moral of the story was quite beautiful and I’m sure he would have gotten there. Rumors are that we will in the sequel of this year’s Biden thriller…#Arm2024. Still, it was nice to know that Biden was pro-gun control AND against the violent use of guns.
#Leg2020 is very monumental to this year's election as it captures the hearts and minds of young voters across America. Tik tok has become incredibly useful in aiding in the spread of #Leg2020. Trump says it's an attack by China. Many are fully aware of China's military expertise, but their new approach to attacking the U.S. with the renegade dance seems to be quite effective. However, Biden seems to also be the face for a generation of seniors genuinely confused on how to appeal to young voters. This is a deleted excerpt from Biden’s most recent speech:
Thank you America! But I especially want to thank my youth voters for being especially lit. They were salty with me at first, but I seem to be the better option, no cap. My administration’s vibe will definitely be immaculate, and I promise we won't tan too hard, and I opp––just a joke! Damn Daniel, back at it again with better policies for our climate, tax reform, and equal rights.
Joe’s words seem to have resonated with young voters though. Many have found that the overarching theme within this hyperrealistic thriller #Leg2020 is that in an election so divided and widely debated, voters are left with two choices walking up to that voting booth: Would you like to be shot in the leg or the heart?